By stupid people just leave me alone! get a life and grow up!

so tonite i have been thinking about ex's mine to be accurate. maybe the truth is once you end love end a relationship, no matter how much in love you were/are you can never go back! because forever you and them will know how much hurt in pain was in your heart when you were apart... how much hate! is it true that u will still and always love them maybe but you can never ever regain that same love you once had. the pureness of it is gone forever. the way you felt is gone forever...and u move on. move on to other boys other girls...trying to make that connection again.... YOU NEED TO MOVE ON because thats what they want... and if you love something you must let it run free.
tonight the love of my life told me to stop, stop wanting to talk to him. stop trying. And let me tell u how i cried... i cried hard. i wanted to die... and my mind raced to thoughts when times were good and i felt loved. how he use to treat me like no one else had treated me before when it occurred to me. he didnt love me anymore. didnt care if i was hurting with out him. he only cared about his happiness. so how could he have ever loved me truly if this was to be. out of breath i sobbed in front of my friend tiff and told her i was lost and confused. i just didnt understand how he could have been the love of my life and i meant nothing to him but sorrow.
maybe the truth about ex's is that they are ex's for a reason, if u were meant to be you would have been. maybe you just have to keep moving on. living life.

hello world :/ been up all nite choking on misery ... thinking about everything ... its hard to breath when u have nothing to breath for i wish i was like kara.. or charley.... people that see the beautiful side of the world but im not i see beauty in people... and through out this crappy year out of school i have lacked that in my life friend that i once knew and loved, vanished people that could make me happy when i was crying inside i find it hard to look at a door and see its full potential i just see a brown door... i use to be so free.. a rebel... a wild thing, loud, someone who would hug people on the street just because i wanted to i made friends easily... loved them all too but now when i want to make friends i find it hard! hard to make that connection... difficult, because i have stayed here so long in this apartment. my CAGE i have come to relies that its my own fault i put myself here i lock myself away from risk and failure, because of fear fear of being rejected once again and though i know it wasn't you that rejected me i still keep myself locked away from seeing the doors full potential the beauty in the mundane

AWAY... i guess that means it was real
GOD LIFE BLOWS
i just grrr i dont understand how it could give you something so beautiful
like love and have it live soo far away!!
god likes his toys i guess
likes to see us hurt ... like to see us overcome
fall down... pick yourself up!
its the rules of the game of life, right?
i just dont understand the sweet complexities at a time like this
i cant breath anymore and tears they make strong women MAD
oo and the beauty of a boy makes her weep
is it wrong to love someone so much it hurts??
is that the point... stop falling??
stop falling... so you won't need to get up...
stay out of love so you wont need to pick your self up??
just keep maintaining the human condition?
i feel lost... show me beauty god... show me someone to risk the fall for


love dee

ok so i fall asleep at 10:00 and woke like two min. ago the night is cool... not cold... but cool and it smells fresh in my apt.... im soo ok right now! i feel awesome and ready for life <3